I stare out my trailer door, daily, at a girl folding clothes on a platform. She is neither beautiful nor impressive, but I still find myself peering to see her reassuring figure, her slender arms deftly and thoughtlessly folding someone else's shirts and pants. I am reminded of Sommerset's 'of human bondage' and his beguiling waitress; tall and pale with short dark hair, curiously cut and pulled back. She has almost timid features; a small mouth and closely set eyes that stare indifferently out onto her world of foreign garments. Tonight the walnut branches create a pleasing silhouette against the sky, illuminated by the distant flood lights. The yellowing leafs tremble with anticipation. I can see a single star through the boughs and I wonder how far away it is; a billion light years? Perhaps it's an entire galaxy whose light takes a billion years to reach my eyes. It has probably burnt away or exploded, I just don't know it yet. Perhaps, somewhere someone is watching us in a galaxy far away. Am I the ancient light in the eyes of some distant system, am I living out the projected reflections of a planet that died unfulfilled? Maybe somewhere far away a telescope watches me under the tree at night, maybe I am already dead; our planet has faded away and these are the words of my reflected projections traveling at the speed of light in to an infinite abyss. If they had a more powerful telescope they could see into my future, since I am already past, but all i can see is a girl on a platform, standing at my screen door at the speed of light. I seem to always be looking at what has already passed, the distance that separates is always stretched with time and reflections, silhouettes above my evening eyes casting strange shadows on the astral story of my life. Will they see me at the lake standing on the peek, sitting on the deck at the lodge sipping gin and tonic from a collins glass? will they see the turkish waiter? Do they know Thomas Mann, or what a sanitarium is? Did I die a billion years ago? I'm glad I don't know it yet. Maybe this is how i can live forever, as long as somebody out there can see me; the reflection of my life traveling at incredible speeds through the nothingness.
