musings

from the library:
why are there potted plants all over the library? am i going to forget i'm inside, this isn't a foliage zoo. why don't they just put the plants outside and let them freeze, they aren't fooling me.

from the coffee shop:
feeling levity in moments of despair, sad songs that make you smile and you are at peace because you know everyone else is also a heartbroken failure, worse still are those who aren't, those who realize their dreams meant more when they were unfulfilled, now they know the let-down of a dream realized. i smile at despair because i feel most alive when i am the lowest, and smiling in such circumstances makes me feel absurd, and most days absurdity is the only genuine feeling left and the only word that still means what you think it does.

how do you deal with disappointment; when those you don't even know, but would like to, seem to let you down, your idols turn into blocks of wood and the world is a lesser place when you find out they are flawed, when you realize they are just like you.

maybe we feel like saving people sometimes because we want to be saved ourselves, and we think there is some personal redemptive quality in saving someone else, long since given up on being saved ourselves, whether we admit it to ourself or not, maybe if we're someone's savior then they'll get to feel that which we wish we could.

the girl across from me is staring out the window like she is waiting for someone, but she is slowly realizing that she will be alone tonite, so she looks with an empty gaze at the cars in the drive through and imagines that someone, anyone is coming to meet her. she has nowhere to be so she'll look out the window a while longer until she's finally tired of feeling stood up and leaves, her embarrassment and hurt will turn bitter.

poems about no one and danny

October 11
lovers kiss where lips don't touch
eyes wide open staring clutch
her attention and her guile
in the shape of her faint smile
and we're not looking away
when the games that we'll play
died in this, moment of bliss
these seconds when our eyes kiss
i know you'll remember this

September 4
sunday afternoon early september
i'm missing the days that i remember
sitting on a red pew in this wedding tomb
friends and some flowers and an ill-lit room
celebrate the triumph of her gender
and ceremony of his blissful doom
a funeral for his youth's surrender